The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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