There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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