I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
