Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
