New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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