the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
