his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
