How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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