I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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