the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
