I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Holy shit dude........stairs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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