You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He has the fingertips of a God
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize