My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
