I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
third nipple confirmed
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