If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
