Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
