Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
