on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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