Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
