I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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