Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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