you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this will be a night to untag.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
