I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
