I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
