So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
