no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
