Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
