there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
