At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
