Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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