Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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