Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
