I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
