Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
