if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sext me about skeletons
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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