My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So vagazzling was a success
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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