you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need moral support for this bender
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
