It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
