I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
