So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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