Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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