you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
