Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Farmville is her only friend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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