You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
