this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
