Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
