just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
