yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
