I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
