dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
