Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
