4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
