You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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