IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
bring money and cleavage
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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