What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
