i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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