btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize