he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize