I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
