I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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