apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
