Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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