Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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