I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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