On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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