I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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