chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
