Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nutella sex= disaster
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
