Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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