A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
