My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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