just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize