Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
