Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
