I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
