never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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