I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
