Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
