I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Holy shit dude........stairs
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